(posted Feb. 18, 5:00 p.m.)- The Nicaragua Dispatch would like to congratulate Day Emon Hosklings for winning this year’s First Annual Bad Poetry Festival, with his tour de force, Mochilero, Mochilero (No. 5 on your scorecard, for those keeping score at home).
Not only did his poem rhyme at times, but its edifying and perspicacious prose boldly pushed the envelope on one of the more tertiary social issues of the day. Mr. Hosklings also got extra points for making a unexpected and illuminating reference to The Dark Crystal at the end of the second stanza.
Bravo, Mr. Hosklings. Bravo.
Honorable mention goes to “Ode to a Sacerdote,” By James Banks (#7 on your scorecards) and the truly awful “In Search of Hoben Bay,” By Joven Bleen (#2 on your scorecards), which was provocative in its horribleness.
The Pettifogger: Ode to my Nicaraguan Lawyer, was disqualified (the author knows why).
In the spirit of Nicaraguan elections, the winner of the poetry contest was decided on Tuesday, before half of the contestants even had a chance to submit their poems. We intuited the will of the people; our decision is final, written in stone, and anyone who has a problem with that can get on the next plane that leaves Managua.
Thanks for participating.
Again, in its first appearance as winner of the First Annual Bad Poetry Festival, we present:
By Day Emon Hosklings
Dirty feet, and stink like perro.
Put on a shirt, put on your shoes,
Where is the soap that you don’t use?
Come whirling fire, come pounding drum.
Enchanting many, annoying some.
On Calzada, mochilero be.
Like dark crystal refugee.
“I’m not a tourist”, your rebel yell.
What’s the difference, I can’t tell.
You come to visit with little cash.
Scratch with fleas, itch with rash.
You come from the land of milk and honey.
You call your mum to send more money.
Yet you pretend that you are poor.
And sleep on hammock, sleep on floor.
Dirty feet and stink like perro.